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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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So, I’m cruising down Jl. Raya Pandak, and boom! Traffic jam. Like, seriously? It’s 8 AM! I’m late for a meeting with my crew. I’m sittin’ there, fuming. I mean, who decided to put a market right in the middle of the road? I can see the vendors selling their fried tofu and all, but c’mon! Priorities, people!

Figure 8: Landslide hazard zoning map at Kemajuan Tanah Genting Pandak...